Good

I have a theory. It's based on personal observation. It may be totally limited or erroneous, but here it is:

Children of abuse question themselves.
Children of loss question God.

Children of abuse may assume God is also abusive-- that He is unpleasable, critical, unkind, frightening, unloving, not compassionate. They may know the facts about the Lord, Who says He is love, and may be certain they believe it. However, they function as children of an abusive Father, always expecting to be slammed. Deep down, they wonder why the Lord considered it okay to place such an abusive person in their life. They debate if it was somehow their fault, because they balk at labeling the abusive person for what they are or were. They are confused about what is obvious to others about acceptable behavior, because their boundaries have been bludgeoned for so long.

Children of loss may assume that God does not know what He's doing or just does a bad job. They cannot fathom why it could ever be right to lose that significant person when the timing is generally considered too soon. They are angry at that person for abandoning them and angry that God allowed it, and they take issue with His choices. Their lives may play out as a continuing study in perceived unfairness. God seems manipulative, petty, and uncaring. They will never be one of His favorites, or He would not have permitted the loss to happen in the first place.

Both categories may or may not be aware of the conclusions they've come to, or how they got there. Both ultimately come to the same place. They question whether God is truly Good.

I understand these perspectives.  I am sympathetic.  I was the child of the first category.  I cannot offer a simple cure.  I can only say that the goodness of God has become my anchor, in part because it in stark contrast to the self-recrimination and fear that abuse caused in my life.  The Lord rescued me.  He redeemed my failures.  He became my ultimate Father.  Without that to cling to, my life would be in shambles.  He said He is good.  I have tasted and I have seen. I believe.

Perhaps that is the cure.  Start your stand there.  Ask Him to show you.  Believe.  He is Good.